Are you in a relationship that holds you back or sets you free? Here’s how to understand if your partner … [+]
Are you in a relationship that makes you feel like you’re becoming the best version of yourself? Research published in Current directions in psychological science suggests that just as Michelangelo’s hand carves beauty from stone, “intimate partners sculpt each other’s selves, shaping each other’s abilities and traits and promoting versus inhibiting each other’s intentions.” This is known as the Michelangelo phenomenon.
In such relationships, partners help each other evolve through supportive actions and positive affirmations, bringing each other closer to their ideal selves.
Here are two signs that your partner is helping you grow as a person, according to research.
1. You feel really supported
One of the clearest indicators of the Michelangelo phenomenon is a partner who is deeply and authentically supportive of your goals and dreams, wishing you to flourish in every way possible.
A 2017 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin suggests that supportive relationships contribute significantly to personal growth. They provide emotional security, reduce anxiety and promote self-confidence, which increases an individual’s confidence in their abilities. This trust is fundamental to growth, as it encourages partners to face new challenges and continue in their pursuits.
Researchers suggest that having a “secure base”—a trusted person who provides emotional shelter—encourages people to step out of their comfort zones, embrace personal growth, and overcome obstacles more easily. Even a simple reminder that one has such a partner can be deeply motivating.
The researchers found that individuals who even briefly recalled a supportive partner were more likely to choose jobs that fostered personal growth over those that simply offered higher wages. This suggests that the boost of trust from a supportive relationship can have far-reaching effects on our decisions and aspirations.
When your partner believes in you, it can profoundly affect your self-esteem and motivation. In relationships characterized by the Michelangelo phenomenon, your partner’s support, pride, love and respect is a transformative force that reflects your best qualities back to you. When they celebrate your strengths and accomplishments, they help you embrace these positive aspects of yourself.
“Being married to (wife) is shaping the person I am and am becoming. It’s helping me fulfill my dreams and ambitions and goals, it’s giving me a deeper understanding of love, it’s giving me a sense of accomplishment and a sense of encouragement,” says Dave, a participant from a 2015 study on how marriage affects in the sense of self. .
Basically, such partners see the best in you, reminding you that you are worthy of everything you want. While it is essential to do this for ourselves, this outside support is invaluable.
2. You are becoming who you want to be
Another powerful sign of the Michelangelo phenomenon is that you are feeling closer to your ideal self. In some cases, people report feeling “more like themselves” in their relationships than before.
In fact, a study published in Social Psychological Science and Personality suggests that becoming more connected to our ideal selves in a relationship helps us feel more authentic, which contributes to our well-being. This journey to authenticity can mean shedding old insecurities, gaining new perspectives, and embracing traits and ambitions you may have left untouched.
For example, Becky, another participant from the 2015 study, described being “quite protective” as a person, before discovering that her partner “just opened up to her.” Over time, such relational support helps you feel safe to face inner conflicts and transform limiting beliefs, creating space to flourish.
The relationships rooted in the Michelangelo phenomenon do not necessarily create new personalities, but they reveal the fuller and richer dimensions of who we are and who we aspire to be.
“Being seen by one’s partner in a way consistent with one’s ideal self becomes more important to relationship satisfaction with increasing age,” suggest researchers of a 2018 study on the Michelangelo phenomenon. Although priorities change with age, the drive for personal growth continues, supported by a relationship that encourages and values these changes.
So if your relationship provides unwavering support and helps you feel like the person you’ve always wanted to be, consider it one of life’s gifts. Recognize as an invitation to continue exploring your potential and nurture that same growth in your partner so you can become the best versions of yourselves together.
Do you feel like your authentic self in the relationship? Take this test to find out: Authenticity on the relationship scale