Most people in a happy marriage assume their partners feel the same way. However, sometimes, you … [+]
AMC’s American dark comedy Kevin Can F Himself it’s a fascinating watch for reasons you might not expect. The series explores the marriage between misogynistic blue-collar worker Kevin and his long-suffering wife Alison. But unlike most shows about marriage, this one has a unique twist.
Presented from Alison’s point of view, the show plays out like a multi-camera sitcom every time Kevin’s character is on screen. Once he leaves the screen, however, the show becomes a single-camera perspective with a gritty, dark feel. The installation, although unusual, is intensive. The filmmakers are trying to show that Kevin and Alison see their marriage in a very different light.
This clever tactic speaks volumes for many marriages across the country. Many people – much like Alison – see the marriage they’ve entered as a self-imposed prison. And often, their partner is unaware of their feelings until it is too late.
Being in a marriage can feel like you and your partner are reading from different relationship books. While marriage is a beautiful journey, people can feel trapped and lost if the sacrifices they make for marriage conflict with their identity. Here are four tell-tale signs that your partner views your marriage differently than you do.
1. They don’t feel heard
Have you ever shared something important with someone, only to feel like your words bounced off an invisible wall? It can feel depressing. Now, think about your relationship with your partner. Have they ever asked you to do a homework or pick up something for them only to “forget” or decide to do it when it’s more convenient?
In the first episode of the series, Kevin flirts with Alison about an upcoming anniversary party he’s planning. He goes on about how much he knows she loves their anniversary “frenzy”, to which Alison replies that she would have preferred a quiet romantic dinner instead. Her worries are quickly put to rest by the mildly controlling Kevin, who assures her that she’ll have a much better time at the massive party she’s now forced to throw.
Research from a 2023 article published in Harvard Business Review shows that couples who master the art of truly listening to each other tend to have happier marriages. Ignoring your partner’s simple or seemingly trivial requests can make them feel like they’re not being heard.
This is about more than just one person getting what they want – it’s about active and open communication. The article emphasizes the importance of the other person feeling heard and cared for in marriage. Make sure you’re taking the time to listen to what your partner is saying, even if the request is small – this small gesture can go a long way in your relationship.
2. They make all the sacrifices
Recent research, including a 2019 article by custodian, has stated that single, childless women are among the happiest in society, and there may be a good reason for that. Traditional gender roles dictate that a woman must give up her career, social status and even ambitions to care for the family once she enters into the marriage contract.
Women, more than men, are expected to accept their new status as housewives, giving up any previous dreams – while supporting their husbands’ ambitions. Moreover, they are considered selfish if they dare to love more than the marital home.
Kevin Can F Himself shows this reality in a more comical way. A miserable Alison is forced to entertain Kevin’s boss while he hosts their “anniversary” party in the next room. In Kevin’s little mind, this is a compromise – Alison gets her quiet evening and he throws his massive party. The reality is that this is just another case of Alison sacrificing what she wants to further Kevin’s ambitions.
3. You dictate all plans
Kevin’s birthday party represents much more in the series. It is a clear indication that he sets the tone of the relationship. Alison’s plans are thrown aside to ensure Kevin gets what he wants, no matter how miserable she is.
If your idea of a good time for you and your partner involves only doing what you want, this could be creating underlying dissatisfaction in the marriage. In a 2018 study by Journal of Divorce and Remarriagepeople listed oppressive behavior from their spouses as one of the main reasons they decided to file for divorce.
These feelings of oppression can stem from people feeling that they are constantly giving in to what their partner wants. If your partner feels that his plans are always sacrificed for what you want, this can cause conflict in the marriage. It may sound cliche, but in a marriage, compromise is key. You may not both get what you want, but you can always find a healthy middle ground.
4. You make all the financial decisions
Later in the episode, Allison announces her plan for them to upgrade to a nicer neighborhood. She naively thinks that this move to a newly built suburb will improve their marriage and make Kevin a better husband. Her constant dreams of herself and Kevin as the perfect Stedford couple in their new home illustrate this. There’s just one problem—Kevin had drained their bank account without telling him. The move is so infuriating that it’s almost enough to justify Allison’s dreams of killing her husband later in the series.
While this is exaggerated for the sake of television, it reflects real-life themes. A 2023 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships The study shows that 40% of marital disputes have to do with finances. One of the biggest reasons for these fights was the couples’ different values about how money was spent.
If you and your partner differ on how to use shared income, this can be a significant source of dissatisfaction. This is exacerbated in relationships where only one partner’s views are considered because they are the “breadwinner”. If your partner can’t say how the money is split, it can leave them feeling powerless. Make sure conversations about money are open and honest, and when it comes to finances, compromises are made to ensure everyone gets what they need.
While the show is fictional, its take on real-life issues in marriage is quite clever. If you’re happy in your relationship, take a second to look at your marriage from your partner’s perspective. Ask yourself honestly, are they happy? If you’re having trouble saying yes, you might want to look at ways you can help them see marriage as beneficial as you do.
Do you see your marriage as happy? Take this science-backed test to find out: Marital Satisfaction Scale