Singleness is treating women much better than men. Here’s why, according to psychology … [+]
When you hear the word “spinster,” what kind of person do you imagine? Now, while holding this thought, consider the word “bachelor” – who comes to mind? Most likely, you will imagine two extremely different characters: a miserable old maid or a crazy cat lady versus a young, happy-go-lucky man.
If these persons come to mind, you would think along the same lines as the masses. Social norms have connoted these two terms with these kinds of characteristics: single women are unhappy, lonely souls who spend their lives regretting a man, and single men are quiet, charismatic charmers without a care in the world.
However, findings from an October 2024 study in Social Psychological Science and Personality challenge our preconceived notions about single men and women. In fact, lead authors Elaine Hoan and Geoff MacDonald seem to have turned these stereotypes on their heads.
According to Hoan and MacDonald’s findings, single women are significantly happier than single men. Here’s why, based on their research.
1. Single women have a higher status of relationship satisfaction
Compared to single men, single women are significantly happier with their relationship status. That is, women are much more satisfied with being single or unmarried than men.
As Hoan and MacDonald explain in an interview with Gilmore Health Newsthese findings may be due in part to the ongoing breakdown of outdated social norms. “Traditionally, there has been a lot of societal pressure on women to provide a husband and settle down so as not to be seen as ‘leftover women,'” they explain, adding that “This pressure may have been the main cause of unhappiness among bachelors.” They conclude: “Over time, society has gotten looser with its prescriptions, allowing single women to be free and have the time of their lives, which they seem to be doing.”
In addition, Hoan and MacDonald suggest that although some norms have softened, some expectations about gender roles are still in place. In particular, they cite the gendered division of domestic labor – where women are expected to handle housework and child-rearing without much help and be content doing so.
They explain that these rates undeniably “lead to more rewards for men and more costs for women in committed heterosexual partnerships,” which may be why women are much more satisfied with celibacy than men. With this in mind, many women are likely to find greater satisfaction in celibacy, where they are free from these pressures and can live as they please. Single men, on the other hand, may struggle with the demands of living alone – especially if they are less inclined to take on traditionally feminine roles.
2. Single women have higher life satisfaction
Beyond relationships, single women also have much higher life satisfaction than single men. In terms of overall well-being, it seems that celibacy is a good sign for women, but not so much for men.
Again, Hoan and MacDonald explain these findings in relation to women’s wider social context – particularly in relation to their social support structures. “Men are more solitary in nature, while women are more likely to form a community supported by several thriving relationships,” Hoan and MacDonald explain in their interview. They continue, “These communities mean that single women are less likely to feel any negative impact from being single.”
In general, women are much less likely to rely solely on a romantic partner to meet their multiple social needs; they have tighter social circles and tend toward them to a greater extent than most men. Hoan and MacDonald emphasize the importance of this in their study, explaining that “the association of social support and life satisfaction is well-documented” and that “this association is particularly important for singles who report non-romantic social support as a key aspect of their well-being in celibacy”.
3. Single women have higher sexual satisfaction
Perhaps the most surprising finding is that single women are significantly more sexually satisfied than single men—an unexpected result that contradicts previous existing research.
This is another finding that can be explained by social norms. Gendered housework is not the only heteronormative expectation that leads to higher rewards and lower costs for men; Hoan and MacDonald’s study also acknowledges how common it is for women’s sexual satisfaction to be prioritized in long-term heterosexual relationships. As a result, women in relationships may feel that their sexual needs are not being met more often than men.
In committed partnerships, it’s not uncommon for men’s desires to take precedence in the bedroom. Still, singleness allows women to seek out dates that meet their needs—without any pressure to prioritize their partner’s pleasure.
This autonomy is likely what results in higher overall sexual satisfaction, as women have the freedom to explore relationships or experiences that match their desires. In contrast, single men may find it more difficult to achieve this level of satisfaction; they may lack the sexual stability and constant prioritization of their pleasure that comes with a committed partner.
4. Single women have less desire for a partner
Another finding that stands out in stark contrast to the “spinster” stereotype is that single women have a lower desire for a partner than single men. In other words, single men want a stable relationship far more than women — who may be content not even trying to find one.
Once again, Hoan and MacDonald explain this finding very simply in their interview: “With women catching up to men in the workplace, it’s never been more enjoyable to be a single woman living alone and taking care of yourself. ” They continue, “The traditional male roles of security and protection can be taken over by women and the government,” and conclude, “This underscores the need for a man in a woman’s life.”
In general, it seems that “finding a man” ranks low on the list of priorities for single women – if it’s even a consideration at all. In many ways, single women experience freedoms that are far less attainable in relationships: they have complete control over their social and sex lives and are free to focus on themselves without feeling obligated to take care of anyone but themselves. This independence may be one of the most empowering aspects of singleness for women and may underlie why so many women report being happier on their own.
Does singleness scare you more than it frees you? Take this science-backed test and find out if you’re afraid of being single: Fear of being Single on the scale